Beautiful Nonsense
by Elves of the Moon
Summary: Tala needs Kai for a matter of bussiness, or so he says. It would turn out to be so much more. TalaKai with lots of humor.


Punishment... that is what this should be.

I promised the Beyblade characters I would do that if they didn't coöperated. And since I still have not been able to continue _Freezing Fire_ (shame on me, I know o-0 ') I wrote this in a sudden fit of frustration.  
No real violence (apart from Bryan's usual behaviour XP ) because they're used to that, humiliation seemed to be worse than pain.

Please enjoy, even though it is nothing like my usual angsty style (yet).

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**Beautiful Nonsense**

_-.-.-.-.-.-__By Lhune_

"I need you Kai."

The slate haired teen sitting in a lush _chaise longue_ could not detect any sign of romantic innuendo that one might expect to accompany those 3 words and a name.

On the other hand he hadn't counted on that, nor had he wished to hear the frozen eyed Russian utter the words in such a way. This was business, nothing more.

The business would turn out to be not quite as he had anticipated.

o-0-o

"You want me to wear _**this**_?!" Kai demanded hotly, staring in horror at the clothes presented to him.

"Oh right," the red haired youth standing next to him said, "I almost forgot, how silly of me." He murmured, berating himself softly and turned around to retrieve another item. When he came back he had a frivolous little hat with him that matched the rest of the outfit splendidly.

"You've got to be joking, right?" the handsome young man asked his friend in disbelief. When the latter failed to affirm his question he continued. "Why should _I_ have to wear these… these horrid things?" he pointed a slender finger at the pink dress in front of him.

All was included: frills and bodice, hat, petticoats and elegant shoes.

"You'd have to wear these as well." Tala muttered hesitantly, picking up a pair of nylons.

"What!?_"_

The red haired Russian had been looking at the floor most of the time but now lock gaze with Kai's crimson orbs.

"We have received a mission, this evening is a party which we are to attend undercover… in order to retrieve (steal) the tiara of late Anastasia. The payment is considerable. We already have the invitation for 2 from our employer but…" Tala hesitated a mere second, "but the invitation is for a couple. We are to attend the party as Mr and _Mrs_ Yegorov."

He looked at the stoic teen, his ice-blue eyes pleading to be understood.

"So one of us is to dress as a female." Kai said flatly without looking at his fellow Russian.

"Yes." Tala exclaimed relieved, "Therefore the hat will be an ideal place to hide the jewel, not to mention it would cover your remarkable hair just fine… Not that your hair isn't good of course! But it might draw attention to-" his rambling was cut off short when his slender companion raised his eyes.

"And tell me, why do I have to wear these?" the slate haired teen asked flatly.

The redhead nearly fell backwards (anime fall XP) but instead a huge sweat drop appeared on his brow. "But Kai, I've just told you-" Tala whined in indignation.

"No, you've told me _one of us_ has to wear them. You haven't explained why _the honour_ is mine." He pronounced the word with disgust.

Tala stared at his friend helplessly.

"Believe me, I've gone over al the possibilities. Spencer is just too big and… and too manly. While Ian, on the other hand, is far too small. He'd only reach my torso, even with the high heels. Besides his nose is too big, no offence to that but it would be inappropriate. And Bryan…" He thought back to what the lilac haired Russian had said.

o-0-o

"_You would like me to wear __**That**__?!!" he had thundered and a string of obscenities had followed directly after that as well as the threat to castrate him if he even thought about the violent Russian as his female partner._

_He had considered that one couldn't take Bryan's threats lightly. _

o-0-o

"Bryan is just too stocky and harsh, no one would ever believe him to be a woman." Tala ended his arguments.

"I figured that much." Kai said evenly and the redhead wondered whether his enigmatic companion had sensed Bryan's threat as well. "You have told me all about the rest of our team, facts I was well aware of, but you haven't touched the matter of yourself."

Tala stared bewildered at his friend, his Partner in Crime. "Wha- what do you mean?" he squeaked comically.

Even so, the slate haired youth didn't twitch a corner of his lips but continued to stare at his friend in all seriousness.

"What about me?" the Russian with burning hair asked, trying hard to tuck away the slight quiver in his voice.

After running his eyes over Tala's lean body Kai nodded to himself approvingly. "Why don't you take the female part upon you?" he asked.

"I'd be nothing compared to you! You may not know but you have the most exquisite female touches to your delicate face- "

Kai was momentarily struck silent at this.

"-In fact, your entire body could be that one of a woman, apart for the breasts-part-thingy of course."

At this the slate haired Russian bristled in denial, "If you say so about me, the same applies to you then!" Kai countered fervently, "Besides, your legs are thinner." He pointed out victoriously. However, it seemed like Tala wasn't phased by all of this.

"But I'm taller-" he countered.

"That's no excuse, you'd just ask Spencer to accompany you."

"And I have red hair, everyone knows that would clash with the pink. Don't worry, you'll look ravishing I'm sure." The redhead said unable to hide the triumphant note in his voice.

Kai huffed irritated and glared at the other Russian.

"And even if I'd been fit to take on the female part, I would not have been allowed to do so."

The slate haired youth adjusted his glare to have a quizzical touch and elegantly rose one eyebrow.

"Boris already replied _we _would take on the invitation and included a picture of me as Mr. Yegorov. Just that they would be able to announce us properly when we arrive and not deny us the entry… they are rather suspicious guards at that place." Tala tried to wink at his companion but refrained himself when he saw the intensity of the glare directed at him hadn't lessened, it rather had augmented.

"Of course there wasn't any photo of my partner included so you'll have to play your part well, as you always do." He hurried to add apologetically "and above all, look dashing." A wolfish grin spread on his face.

"That always works wonders."

o-0-o

That evening about 3 hours before they were expected at the party, Kai excluded himself and warned the others not to bother him.

Of course Ian tried to squint through the keyhole and was disappointed when it turned out the key was still there, obstructing his view. He didn't dare to try and push the key out of the lock, let alone see if he might open the door.

After peering to see something through the little gap beneath the door and obtaining nothing but a splitting headache, he opted to stray outside and look for the window. He forgot that said window was very small and located near the ceiling of that particular room, making it impossible for him to look through.

…Even if he would've brought big Spencer with him to stand on. No doubt Kai would have drawn the curtains anyway.

An hour passed with Ian running up & down, in & out to get a peek of Kai's attempt at metamorphosis to the other gender.

Spencer was unperturbed reading _Crime and Punishment_ by Dostoevski, occasionally looking up to the door behind which the slate haired Russian was for the time being.

Bryan alternated gleefully his lilac gaze between watching the closed door and the redhead pacing up and down, combined with whacking a frenzied Ian from time to time whenever the imp came within his reach.

After about an hour and a half they heard the first sound emerging.

" ад проклятие… too проклятый short!!" _(something about hell and damn and fucking short P)_

Immediately after these beautiful words that sounded like music to their ears _the _door was violently slammed open and a very angry person stalked out.

"Tala, this…" he struggled to find the word to describe the fabric, "…dress is too short, something has to be wrong with it!" Only then did he notice the three Russian staring at him, slack hanging jaw for Ian. "какой? (_What_)" he questioned not quite understanding what had gotten to them.

Spencer returned his attention to the book on his lap at once, Bryan shot Kai a wicked grin and gave him a thumb-up before hitting Ian on the head so that the latter's mouth closed with a painful sound. Ian glared indignantly at his _violator _for this.

The crimson eyed teen shrugged and turned to the last remaining Russian in the room.

"It's a cocktail dress," Tala mumbled, averting his ice blue gaze from the beautiful youth in front of him.

"What?" Kai asked, almost doubting whether the teen in front of his had actually tried to tell him those words.

"We were invited to a cocktail party, so this ought to be the suitable dress. It is meant to only just reach your knees." The red haired teen explained, trying to remain somewhat impassive… Certainly when Kai moaned and turned away with a most tempting pout.

Plopping down in one of the seats scattered around, Tala thought it were very unlikely for the scarlet eyed teen to go unnoticed that night. He reckoned Kai had no idea how alluring he looked right now.

The trademark shark fins had vanished and the slate bangs miraculously tamed to pass for a decent, more feminine haircut. Besides, Tala could've sworn he either saw mascara or kohl applied to the sinful orbs of fire.

The most pleasant surprise, however, had been the legs. Pale, soft (he knew them to be even though he had not yet had the chance to touch them) endearingly rank.

The lack of breasts was hardly noticeable seeing the dress created an illusion on that part… No silicones had been necessary. It remained of course a shallow A-cup but the legs made up for all of that.

The redhead doubted they would need the hat to cover the usually unruly locks of slate hair… Yes, it would be a shame to cover them.

Ah, they'd see.

o-0-o

They had arrived at the location of the party in style with Spencer as their chauffeur. Bryan they had left home to baby-sit Ian much to his dislike.

Their entrance hadn't caused any trouble what so ever. Quite the contrary, the guards had been rather like gentlemen… very gallant indeed. They had almost forgotten to ask for their invitation as their hungry eyes had been fixed upon his slate-haired companion.

The introduction to their host had been quick over and done. The man had only spared Kai an approving glance and a slightly knowing nod at Tala.

So at the moment they were strolling among the other guests already there, all the time keeping a lookout for the precious tiara from the corner of their vigilant eyes. Their employer had not informed them just _where _they would be able to find the desired item only that it would be in the room.

They had not counted on the presence of so many people. It was that they would be richly paid for this job thus the added difficulty was accepted.

Tala strode alongside with Kai to one of the many women who had a tiara in her auburn hair when they were intercepted by another woman with long blond hair loosely tied in a bun.

"Oh, I'm sorry but I couldn't help but noticing the most charming colour of your eyes. Please tell me," whispered the woman edging closer to Kai, "are they contacts?"

Before the slate haired teen had the opportunity to answer the woman babbled on.

"Of course they are, nobody has such a magnificent colour by birth. Such a shame though. But that aside," she tucked a wayward blond lock behind her pale ear, "Do tell me where you've got them from would you? I've tried some myself from my local optician you know, but they turned out all wrong. I couldn't stop crying and my eyes turned all blotchy and red. Or was it because of they way I put them on? You must…"

Tala observed for a moment how his slate haired friend listened helplessly to the lady's rant before looking at the couple that had just arrived and was now being announced. A shock passed through him when he recognised the new guests. He _**had **_to warn Kai!

But said teen was still having a conversation with the blond woman. Well… he listened, she talked. How was he going to get his partner's attention?

Oh how he hated they hadn't gotten to that!

o-0-o

"_So, how should I be calling you as a girl?" he had asked his crimson eyed friend. _

_Said teen had shot him an impressive death glare and choose not to answer._

"_O-okay, so you won't have a name then. I guess you'll just remain the mysterious girl-" Kai's orbs had flashed dangerously at this "the mysterious person I mean."_

o-0-o

But he really needed to get Kai's attention this very instant.

"Oh, eh… _Darlin'_ "

His partner neglected the chatty woman immediately and whipped his head around in angry disbelief. "What?" he whispered harshly.

"We had no agreement on a name, how else should I have called you?" the redhead whispered softly into Kai's delicate ear. He was rather pleased with the slight tremor passing Kai's frame. "You're not going to like it but new visitors have arrived." He muttered and turned his burning head slightly to indicate the newcomers.

The woman who had been staring avidly at them during this little chat (in Russian of course) followed Tala's movement and uttered a tiny squeal in delight. Her hands latched on to Kai's slender one shaking it abundantly.

"Oh, it was such a joy speaking to you. Really, the tips you gave me- (Tala couldn't remember Kai had even said one word) but I must go. I'm sorry but I really must. Don't worry, we'll probably meet again sometime this evening. Bye!" and off she was to her new victim, robe fluttering in her wake.

Tala noted his friend was still rooted on his spot, his crimson eyes dazed and clouded.

"Are you alright?" he asked and waved his hand in front of the youth's pale face.

"I'm fine." The boy-girl-boy-whatever (the slate haired teen was most androgynous) said flatly but at least his eyes had gotten back to focus. "I've got to go, I'll be back in a minute."

"Oh, powder your nose right?" The redhead said knowingly and winked saucily.

Paying this gesture no heed, Kai took off alone.

o-0-o

The slate haired youth rested his arms on the marble sink and closed his eyes wearily. The luck was his seeing the lavatories had been empty when he arrived and _not_ crowded with flocks of women adjusting their make-up as he had feared.

He really needed a few minutes alone now.

As if it hadn't been bad enough to be obliged to dress up as a woman and attend a party, _he _had to show p as well. To see someone he knew, whom he should order around and be superior to.

Not that the person would have the right to comment on his appearance as it seemed they had played the same trick on him too.

The crimson eyed beauty turned the tap on and let the cool liquid run over his hands.

Tah, he'd always though Rei to have some queer side… Why else would he let his hair grow _that _long?

"My, my, Hiwatari Kai in a dress… a pink one at that. Never thought you'd have it in you."

Kai's crimson eyes widened in horror and he whirled around having reconized the voice.

"You!?"

_o-o- To be continued –o-o_

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I've really take a liking to the cross-dressing ;-) It is so much fun to write about Kai in a pink dress... it is just a different kind of torture but it _is _torture all the same.

I hope you had a good laugh.  
Please review and let me know if there are faults in this (I doubted several times about the choise of verbs and the Russian included)

Ja Mata,  
Lhune


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